Have you found yourself alone, at this stage in life, due to nothing that you did or even wanted? And yet, all along, you have felt alone on the inside even if you don’t like to admit it.
You’ve gotten through the resentment … for the most part & now you find yourself feeling sad – for all the time you spent on HIM; and you feel COMPLETELY at a Loss for What on Earth Would Make YOU Happy at THIS stage in your life!
How could I be at this place at this time in my life? As you SCREAM at the UNIVERSE “I never asked for this!!” Even though deep inside, you know its for the best.
Even though the last “however many you can remember” years you have felt invisible to fun and excitement, only taking care of what needed taking care of, you think, NOW WHAT?
You think, “How unfair and that I gave my all, my best years for him, for this job, for everyone else, and never making myself a priority… to check in with what I am meant to do and what would fulfill ME!” You feel so used and discarded and alone with nothing certainly no hope.
You’ve been hiding under a façade of perfection and busy-ness so that no one will question your life – not even you as you secretly wonder ~~~ Is this ALL there is? And this makes you SUCCESSFUL by all outside accounts?
But lingering just below the surface is a constant SADNESS~~~a mixture of emptiness and remorse, and it only comes out when you hear that certain song playing (Desperado by the EAGLES) to which you always shed some silent tears. What does it all matter anyway?
You SO know what you don’t want, but by God, if asked what you do want you haven’t a clue. You have no IDEA what will make YOU HAPPY!
And now that you find yourself ALL alone – with nothing in the way of you coming face to face with your SOUL, your feelings are all over the map – anger, BETRAYAL of yourself, disgust, blame, excuses, sadness and a HUGE sense of URGENCY – time is moving forward faster and faster.
YOU are so ready to start living a life that MATTERS, one with MEANING and PURPOSE – if you only knew what that would look like to you from that place of Sparkle and FUN that has been absent for SOOOOO LONG!
You’ve tried everything – counseling, seminars, workshops, singles groups, career counseling and nothing has come of it but a few slight new awarenesses.
You feel so READY to find what matters to you in your life and do something that is really FUN and Fulfilling, but nothing comes to mind. Maybe you could leave a legacy but nothing you have tried, nothing you have learned, nothing that you are doing seems to make a dent! You just cannot even see what you can do to find that elusive purpose or to even figure out what makes you truly happy.
~~Even your career (at which you’ve been so successful) doesn’t give you the distraction it once did.
Your LIFE feels EMPTY, you feel like if you don’t do something soon, time will run out. And You have NO idea what you can possibly do to fix this! You don’t want to die with the music still in you!
Continue PRETENDING that you don’t want or need anything (like connection, help, or being heard when you are down) and using a lot of ENERGY to look like you have it all together when you don’t
AND WASTE the remaining TIME you have left on this planet staying STUCK, EMPTY, and REMORSEFUL
AND let the remaining SAND in YOUR Hour Glass slip quietly away ~~~ without the world benefiting from your true gifts and mission,
WITHOUT you having experienced the true Fabulousness & FUN of life at this stage, the fulfillment and meaning that only living from your purpose can bring.
Spend the rest of your life regretting not stepping into that BIGGER, GRANDER Version of you, your Authentic SELF where you share your unique blend of values, desires, talents, personality, and your body all come together to create you and your mission & purpose
And all the times you didn’t go out because you didn’t have the right thing to wear
All the times you shied away from the fun group because you should be going home
All the vacations you didn’t take to the places you wanted to go because somebody else didn’t want to go there.
What else have you NOT done that was important to you? What else have you NOT said that you’ve wanted to?
You can use this feeling as FUEL, as the CATALYST to get to really DO something fun, something Extraordinary in and with your life
AND do what it takes GIVE YOURSELF the GREATEST GIFT –- PERMISSION TO WANT WHAT YOU WANT — so that you can find that elusive MEANING/PURPOSE in your life and start living from there (your authentic self)– where all the FUN, EXCITEMENT, and PASSION lie. To truly tap into what really MATTERS to you and go live from that place.
This means to DARE showing up … in full “YOU bloom” (aka OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE)
This means giving up the PEOPLE PLEASING once and for all and stop SETTLING for the EXPECTATIONS of others
This means doing more of what LIGHTS YOU UP!
- Taking that singles trip to Italy, where you’ve always wanted to go, adorning those sexy dresses you’ve never found time to wear
- Singing at the top of your lungs, just because YOU LOVE to
- Taking road trips Thelma & Louise style with your favorite girlfriends
- Spending a month in Africa saving the elephants, taking in a photo safari
- Creating that business you’ve always wanted
- Devoting time to get back into great physical shape
- Finding time to write the books you know are within you
- Wearing the clothes you want vs. the clothes you should
- Doing what you’ve always wanted and never allowed yourself!
What if YOU actually lived so that YOU MATTERED instead of catering to everyone around you, all with their own agendas and needs, living their lives to the fullest?
What would it look like to live your life to the fullest, FILLED WITH the things, the experiences, the causes, and the adventures that MATTER to YOU? Can you IMAGINE how that FREEDOM feels?
Is it time that you make yourself and your desires a priority? This is truly YOUR Greatest GIFT to the WORLD and its the gift that only YOU can bring.
I grew up as the oldest of 3 girls, the responsible one, and when my dad died when I was 5, I became the “strong” one as well. At some level, I felt responsible for everybody’s feelings – especially my mom’s. I literally moved away – 4 states away – to separate myself. That worked for a while – until I got married and had my son.
For the past 20 years, I’ve gone from feeling strong and free – before marriage, to totally immersing myself in everybody’s life to “help” them at some level. I negated my desires, made myself feel guilty for wanting vacations that my husband didn’t want, and planned everything so that everybody was happy – that is, all but me. Working full time, picking up my child from daycare after work, and then the evening routine – left no little time for me, and when I thought about it, I felt guilty. Vacations were to visit family – ok, but when do we get to be on vacation!?! Not to mention not being in love with the work I did.
After years of this, my life felt empty; where was the meaning, the fun in life? I could tell you what I didn’t want, but had no clue what I did want – what would make me happy. I was so far away from myself and had no idea how to get me back.
Then one day, the sh*t hit the fan. Something we almost got divorced over – and I had to take a good look inside right after blaming and screaming, and crying, and talking with all my friends. Where had I settled, when had I not spoken up when I wanted to, when did I stop paying attention, when did I stop showing up as me? After pointing fingers outside of me – I had to own my share of the responsibility for creating this mess.
Yes, I recognized where I had settled in my marriage, in my career, and with myself! I did things I thought I should, not asking any more for what I wanted and needed, not speaking my truth. The truth was, I did not believe what I wanted mattered, that my truth mattered. I was there for others – to take away their pain, to help support them. But I wasn’t there for me.
I had totally lost myself – lost my belief in and my confidence in myself – my abilities, my looks, my gifts, and talents.
It took a life changing event to make me really look inside and do the work it required to not allow myself to die with the music (and FUN) still in me. To realize that I AM IMPORTANT, and what I want matters.
After many trials and errors (therapists, classes, courses, life experiences, workshops, learning), I found tools that actually work – to clear the crap out of my way and allow me to find myself again. I studied the best of these tools and have used them with my clients for a number of years to assist them with their own journeys.
I went from knowing what I didn’t want, to knowing what I do want and claiming it – without apology and without caring what anyone thinks – of me, my choices, the investments I made in ME, and letting go of things that no longer served me.
I went from closet sadness and secret remorse (masking as happy and confident) to waking up in joy and gratitude every day – for all the circumstances of my life and for what I now recognize as my purpose.
I went from hiding myself under baggy clothes to wearing clothes that feel stylish and great on me.
I went from being sick and tired of being sick and tired to boundless energy and enthusiasm.
I went from rescuing and coddling people in my life to letting them go – to live the lives they are meant to live from their truth, and allowing the circumstances in their lives to teach them.
I went from avoiding anger at all cost, to calmly standing there, listening to another say what they have to say in anger and allow them to voice “their” issue.
I went from buying a regular old sedan (which is totally fine) to finally getting the convertible that I have allowed myself to be talked out of for YEARS! AND I LOVE IT!
I went from not showing up as me to stepping into my power and living my life on my terms.
*** I want you to know, it doesn’t have to take YEARS (like it did me) to go from Heart Ache, Resentment, and Feeling like you Wasted some of the best years of your life to finding your SPARKLE and CREATING YOUR FABULOUS LIFE!
I’ve taken years off the process just by having found tools that get at the heart of things that keep us stuck.
There is such a MAGNIFICENCE just below the surface waiting there for you – to find it, acknowledge it, to feed and water it, and gently allow it to blossom.
I see you! I hear you! I am here for you!
If you are ready to FIND YOUR FABULOUS and really start living from a place of MEANING and FUN.